I guess this is my first non-electronics post. Sorry, I can’t help it. I obsess about things; electronics is one of them. Most of the other stuff I think about is either too personal or rude to post to a blog. I’m not the kind of chap who would post his life on a blog. Hell, I barely tell my friends everything. Do I want to be all dark and mysterious? Do I want people to keep guessing about me? Nah, that’s not it. Its just that I don’t voice my feelings too often. This has a flipside though. Not telling people what you feel can have either of two equally bad consequences. The first being that people think you’re deliberately hiding something from them; they get angry with you – “why can’t you be more open?”, or, “Hey, why don’t you talk to him/her/them about it. It’ll be good for you.” And the second penalty that you may need to pay is that you don’t learn how to communicate with people.
I can communicate with people at an intellectual level pretty easily. Its just that things get tough for me at the personal level. Parents, sis, relatives, friends, crushes – well, with each category of individuals, the situation is different. Naturally, you would understand that with each group of people you would have different things to talk about. So what is it that makes it so hard for me to communicate with others? The raw answer – I don’t have the faintest idea! But I’ve introspected several times. Vaguely, I would say that it’s probable that I feel it’s better to let bygones be bygones, or that the matter of concern is too trivial to bring up and sour the conversation. So do I forget about the problem? Hmm, Yes and No. The thing is, that the particular group that I’m having the problem with has got to help me with that problem, for me to tide over it. So what’s the difficulty? My ego. Most of the time I’m too proud to admit I'm in a ‘situation’ and I need help. I can offer some advice – the only group that can effectively help you out with the problem you’re facing is the very group you have the problem with. This puts you into a right spot. How the eff (yes, that’s a four-letter all-purpose sentence modifier. It’s a wonder grammaticists haven’t included this ubiquitous word into the English lexicon as one kind of ‘god-word’, capable of doing anything and meaning anything!). So again, how the eff are you supposed to talk to the very people you just dissed (Google that) or with whom you have a problem? Umm, don’t ask me; that’s entirely your problem; see, I d-o-n’-t t-a-l-k a-b-o-u-t p-r-o-b-l-e-m-s.
There was recently one time I did. And I can tell you, it’s been the most rewarding thing. As with a lot of guy-problems, this one too, was created and promulgated by none other than a member of the fairer species. They are so different from humans that I consider them a completely different species. (I may have added certain justification here for this, but since this blog is in the open domain, it may be construed as rude)by some right-wingers). I had a humongous crush on this girl. And, as most crushes are prone to do, it created problems for me. Lots of problems. Many many problems. Super-big problems. I’ve run out of adjectives. I used to think of this girl day and night, putting myself (and her, of course) in fantastic and fabulous situations, and I would come to her rescue; be her proverbial knight-in-shining-armour.
What came of that relationship? Nothing. Zip. Zero. The only thing I walked away with was a brilliant friend, who understood me, and who has stood by me. She continues to do so, and I am proud of that. A few nights back I talked to this girl, and told her everything, right from how it started. We laughed about all the silly little things we did. I have many amusing anecdotes, which I promised her, would contribute to the central story of my debut romantic-comedy movie, if my engineering career bombs. It was very comforting talking to her, and I understood now why I had liked her so much. The brilliant thing is that we were both so comfortable chatting with each other – there was nothing put on or stilted about the conversation. No awkward silences. Just simple, joyous freely flowing emotions between good friends. I guess talking to her was liberating in some kind of way, and I still have a soft spot for her. That I could still talk to someone who I had such a deep crush on, and though things didn’t work out, yet be at total ease, is what I would call one of life’s little miracles.
You should try it out some day. It’s superb emotional therapy. Forget the psychologist or counselor. Your best friends are your best counselors.
Note to the aforementioned girl, if she happens to go through this blog: Drop me a mail or an offline, please, telling me what you think. Thanks for everything. You are a gem of a girl, and you can always count on me. I’m just a phone call / SMS / mail / offline away :-) .
My current Gtalk status message is
Live life to the fullest – it’s too short. You know how sometimes you’re so busy organizing something that you forget to enjoy the party? What do you do then? Has it all been lost forever? I don’t think so. Almost all parties have an after-party, where you can sit and savour the fruits of your hard work. You have all the time to figure out what went wrong during the party, and think of what you could have done to fix it. The problem is – you can’t fix it anymore. The party’s over! So instead of wasting time thinking of how to fix stuff that can’t be fixed, have no regrets for what you did. Yes, there may have been things that you did wrong, or things that you could have done better. So learn from those mistakes. Take with you only the experience and knowledge you got from the party. Yeah, and don’t forget to remember the fun – that’s what made it a party in the first place, right?